Three and a Half Minutes
by yra
Summary: Everything is gone, now, but the pain... MikiKozue Songfic


_Disclaimer: I do not own the mangas _The Adolescence of Utena,_ and_ Revolutionary Girl Utena.,_ or the anime. I also do not own the song _Lifetime, _by Better Than Ezra._

_A/N: A sad Miki/Kozue fic. Somehow, this song made me think of this. I took a little, tiny license with the song, and replaced on or two words to make it fit better. Overall, it is just about the same song. It turned out a lot different from what I expected, but I like it._

The concert hall was filled with murmurs, people finding their seats. Someone near the stage laughed, a girlish giggle that made his heart pound. He dropped his eyes to the black and white keys.

"Are you ready?" she whispered in his ear.

He turned to his left, looking into her gleaming eyes.

"Last song," he said. "Last time."

_… She woke up 8 a.m.…_

_…Graduation Day…_

Blue eyes opened slowly, then blinked twice.

Something wasn't right.

The whole room felt strange. He raised his hand, watching as it moved almost in slow motion. The air was thick, heavy, weighing his body down. He could hardly lift his head, could barely focus on the lamp beside the table. The world wavered around him, a mirage, a dream… or perhaps a nightmare.

His shaking hands found purchase on the mattress, and he struggled up. He swayed for a moment, then found his bearings. Several stumbling steps brought him through his bedroom door, and out into the living room.

Her jacket was thrown over the couch, where she had left it. Her school shoes piled beside the door, her earrings left carelessly on the end table, her uniform skirt tossed onto the arm of the couch. In the bathroom he found her razor on the edge of the bathtub, her robe on the back of the door. A discarded tube of lipstick, a crumbled tissue with blotted color, her eye shadow compact open and leaving purple dust on the counter, her toothbrush, her things everywhere…

"Where is she?"

_…Got into a car…_

The knock on the door made his heart stand still.

It came again, almost pounding in his brain. Not her knock. Why would she knock? This was her home…she wasn't there…morning already…

"Miki? Open the door!"

A woman's voice. Strident, commanding…not hers.

"Miki! It's Juri! Open up!"

Someone else at the door.

She wasn't home.

She wasn't anywhere.

The door opened before he realized he had left the bathroom. He stared up into Juri's beautiful face, strained and pained and frightened.

"Miki, get dressed! Hurry!"

He blinked up at her, feeling stupid. Something kept his brain from thinking, something kept his eyes locked on hers, kept him from turning around to see.

But he knew what he would see.

The sweet white high heels with all the straps, not in the closet. The new blue dress she had shown him, not on its hanger. The white cardigan sweater, not in the drawer. His sister, not in her bed.

"Miki!" Juri's voice broke. "Miki, Touga just called. There was an accident."

_…Crashed along the way…_

Everyone wore their dress uniforms. So many people crying, most of them hardly knowing her name. A huddle of girls in the corner, whispering. They did not notice how close he stood to them, overhearing snippets of their conversation.

"With Student Council President Touga?"

"Car hit by a truck."

"He's okay!"  
"Touga wasn't the first."

"Heard she was sleeping with—"

"Him, too? I heard—"

"Slut."

"Miki's better off—"

"Whore."

"—with a twin like that—"

"Tramp."

"—and one of the teachers!"

"SHUT UP!"

All of them froze. Everyone turned to look at him, mouths open in shock. He glared at the knot of girls, growling out from between clenched teeth.

"Shut up. You didn't know her."

He turned, looking at them, the entire school.

"None of you knew her. None of you knew anything about her! _None of you say her name!_"

_…We arrived late to the wake…_

"Miki!"

Utena, with Anthy right behind her. She put out her hand to touch his shoulder, but he dodged around her. Anthy's green eyes were bright, almost as though they were filled with tears. But a witch without a soul cannot cry, cannot love someone enough to cry when they disappear.

"Miki, wait!"

"Miki, stop!"

Utena and Juri, agreeing for the first time, and on the one thing he did not want them to agree on. A terrible need to laugh held him motionless for a moment, about to scream, about to die.

Pink and orange hair, coming at him from either side. He turned, tried to escape, only to see a flash of violet, tightly rolled and pinned to the sides of her head. A face like a doll's, but filled with an infinite sadness beyond human comprehension. Green eyes snatched at his soul with the pity of an angel, far above mere mortals.

"Leave me alone," he gasped at her, at them all. "Leave me alone with her. I want to be with her, alone."

"Let's leave him alone," a teacher whispered, herding students out the door. "Come on, everyone."

"Miki."

"Leave, Utena."

"Miki."

"Leave, Juri."

Silence, as Anthy slid her hand into the crook of Utena's elbow. The Champion and the Rose Bride trailed after the Graceful Leopard, all three glancing back as they reached the door.

"If you need anything," Juri began, gesturing helplessly with one hand, "we'll be right outside."

"Don't stay here, alone, too long," Utena added. "Oh, Miki—"

"Lady Utena," Anthy whispered, placing her other hand beside the first, "come away now."

They walked away, and he was at last alone with her.  
_…Stole the urn while they looked away…_

"Give me your keys."

Red hair, and wide, startled eyes.

"What?"

"The keys to your car. Give them to me."

Touga shook his head, face almost melting before his eyes. The hate eating at his soul made him want to reach out, smash that beautiful face in, destroy every lingering vestige of the man who murdered his sister. Instead, he held out his hand and demanded some reimbursement for all he had lost.

"Miki…my car was totaled. I don't have one anymore."

"Then you find me one."

"Why?"

The concern in those blue eyes made his hate soar, screaming in his head for blood, for vengeance. A life for a life. Pain for pain.

"You killed my sister."

Hands on his shoulders, heavy as stone, cold as ice, reeking of death.

"Miki, it wasn't my fault."

"You killed my sister!"

"I couldn't have seen that truck coming, Miki. It should have stopped."

"YOU KILLED KOZUE!"

He was small, but he was quick. Hate gave him power, drove his fists at a speed that they should not have been able to move. The first blow brought a welt, the same pink as her blush. The second brought blood, red and shimmering, like her favorite lipstick. The third, a shout of pain, the same way she screamed at him in a stupid fight. The fourth, a moan, the sound he heard coming through her bedroom door so many times. The fifth, a groan, as she did while throwing up after too much drinking, while he rubbed her back and brought her water. The sixth, silence, blessed silence.

The whole world was silent now. No music, no screaming fights, no trill of laughter that made his heart soar…

No Kozue, anymore.

"Miki."

Green eyes looking down, no glasses, face unreadable. Touga's ragged breathing, bleeding nose and lips, did not bother her one bit. Why should they? Did anything touch the witch?

"Here."

Cold against his hand, but quickly warming in his grasp. He stared down at the metal, watching the way the light played over the sharp edges. Then he looked up.

"The Chairman's car is out in the parking lot. The red one, with the top down. It's easy to find."

No words.

He tried anyway.

He opened his mouth.

She leaned over, pressed her cold fingers to his lips, shook her head.

"Just go."

_…Drove to the beach…_

_…'Cause I knew you'd want it that way…_

The sand glowed in the early morning light. He'd driven all night, not knowing where he was going. All night, with her beside him in the car. He turned off the radio, and sang their favorite songs, her voice singing along. The wind felt good in his hair, and tussled hers. He laughed, she laughed, they laughed together again.

_…And you were standing on the hood of the car…_

_…Singing out loud as the sun came up…_

He sat there, holding her between his knees. He raised a hand, closed his eyes, and ran his fingers through her hair. He inhaled her sweet scent, the perfume he smelled every morning as she rushed out the door. He laid his cheek against hers, and smiled to hear her voice as she sang.

_…And I know I wasn't right…_

_…But it felt so good…_

_…And your mother didn't mind…_

_…Like I thought she would…_

_…And that song was playing in my mind…_

_…And three and a half minutes…_

_…Felt like a lifetime…_

The sun was rising over the water. Violet sky, pink horizon, orange sun. All the women in his life, in one lovely picture. And she was the blue sea, stretching out forever.

_…And you move like water…_

_…I could drown in you…_

Her voice trailed off, but he refused to open his eyes.

"Don't stop. Keep singing."

"I can't sing anymore, Miki."

_…And I fell so deep once…_

_…Till you pulled me through…_

"Stay with me."

"I can't stay, Miki."

"I need you."

She sighed, leaning her head against his.

"Just… for a little while."

_…You would tell me…_

_… "No one is allowed to be so proud"…_

_… "They never reach out"…_

_… "When their giving up…_

"I'm sorry."

He felt her stir against him. Her voice was faint.

"For what?"

"For…everything."

She laughed, just a little bit.

"Me, too. But it doesn't matter now."

"It matters more than ever."

"Not to me. Nothing matters to me, now."

_…Are you sitting in the lights?…_

"Don't say that."

He began to rock, and she rocked with him.

Together. Always together.

"Truth, Miki. It's the truth. Why should anything matter now that I'm—?"

"Don't say it, Kozue! Please, please, don't say it."

He lay his head on her shoulder. He felt her finger brush against his cheek, felt her lips, lapping at the tears she found there. She licked both cheeks dry, then traced his salty lips with a gentle tongue.

"You're still here. I can feel you."

"No. I'm gone."

_…Or combing your hair again…_

_…And talking in rhymes?…_

He opened his eyes.

Empty arms. His hand on her hair met only air. His tears fell onto his own lips, without her there to catch them. Sunrise sparkled on the water, turning it gold, the blue fading…fading…fading…

_…Are you sitting in the lights?…_

"Kozue."

The urn, clenched between his knees. Ashes of his sister, the charred remains of his love, nothing but dust and ashes and emptiness in the dark.

The sand sucked at his feet, tried to stop him as he walked to the sea. A sea of light, touched by the pink, violet, orange sky, but beneath them, beyond them.

On the edge, the water lapping at his feet, he opened the urn, wind pulling at his hair, stirring the ashes…

And she was dancing, moving across the golden sea, her voice coming back to him from everywhere.

From nowhere.

And she was singing that song from the sunlit garden, words never used beating in his heart.

Fingers on the keys, the two of them playing together, forever never again.

"Miki. Play for me."

_…When I got home, heard the phone…_

_…Your parents had arrived…_

"Miki! Where have you been?"

Too many faces, pressing in from all sides. Pink hair, orange hair, faces haggard with worry. Too numb to apologize, too dead to care. Maybe tomorrow, when he could actually feel something, anything but tired.

"Miki! Your mother was looking for you!"

"You had us so worried!"

"You stole my car!"

The Chairman, the puppet master of the school, eyes blazing.

Didn't matter.

_…Your dad clenched his jaw…_

_…Your mom just smiled and sighed…_

Past him, to green eyes. Angelic, bewitching, a tiny smile in the depths of her own pain. Understanding for a loss so like her own.

"What was it?" he whispered. "What did you lose, Anthy?"

"Miki! The Chairman is talking to you!"

Green eyes going to the Chairman, docile, adoring, hating.

All that she lost.

All that he lost.

Everything gone, now.

Emptiness, darkness, ashes in his heart.

And the stirring of a tiny flame of feeling.

"Thank you."

The face of an angel, too far away for him to understand her pain until his own loss lifted him above the mortal realm, into a divine place of agony. They were equals, now.

She smiled and nodded a little bit, both hands through Utena's arm, holding on so tightly that the Champion winced. But through the wince came a smile, pink hair resting on violet. Angelic eyes to brilliant blue, a spark of feeling, warmth, affection. Something past the pain, something new to bring her alive again.

Something new would come, to help him through the old.

But not now. Now, he needed the pain.

_…But they left soon…_

_…And I went to my room…_

The music room, echoing the silence, the lack of presence. Her scent gone from the air, her warmth gone from the bench, gone, gone, everything gone.

Sitting alone on the bench, a little to the right, leaving a space never to be filled again.

_…Played that disc that you'd given me…_

But her spirit was in his fingers, helping him find the keys.

The song from the sunlit garden.

Their song, the song forgotten so many years ago.

"Sing with me, now, Kozue. Just for a little bit longer. Just for forever."

_…Closed my eyes…_

_…Swear I could hear the sea…_

Her voice in every chord, and his heart beat again

_…When we were standing on the hood of your car…_

_…Singing out loud when the sun came up…_

The concert hall roared with polite whispers, the audience settling into their chairs.

He looked to his left, and she grinned at him. Winked.

The lights came on above the stage. The crowd was silenced as she faded into the lights.

"For you, Kozue. Just for you."

He began to play.

_…And I know I wasn't right…_

_…But it felt so good…_

_…And your mother didn't mind…_

_…Like I thought she would…_

_…And that REM song was playing in my mind…_

Finally, their song, played for the whole world…

Kozue, singing one last time for him…

…_And three and a half minutes…_

The last key, the last note…

_…Three and a half minutes…_

It was over.

_…Felt like a life time…_


End file.
